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Market December 16, 2013
Agent Matt Martin, Matthew Rosen (CAA)
Manager Nicole Romano (Anonymous Content)
A 15-year-old boy discovers that his kidnapped older brother has been living in a hidden, meth-producing compound, and infiltrates the camp in hopes of helping his brother escape.
A teenager tries to free his missing brother from a meth commune but he himself becoming entranced by their hedonism.
After spending two years searching for his kidnapped brother, a once sweet little boy learns to be a fearless young man willing to do whatever it takes to save his brother from a meth-producing camp.
When his brother is kidnapped, a teen infiltrates a strange youth camp to try to get him back.
Drama, Thriller, Crime, Coming of Age, Dark, Drugs, Dysfunctional Family, Film, Kidnap, Murder, Rescue, Troubled Youth
M White 15 Skinny
Lord of the Flies, Boot Camp, Frailty, Out of the Furnace, Martha Macy May Marlene,
Present, A Few Weeks. The first ten pages take place two years prior to the rest.
Mostly takes place at a youth camp in the woods of West Virginia, complete with a garden, barn, holding area, meth lab, and several houses. Other scenes occur in a trailer home, a bottling factory, the streets of West Virginia, a Sheriff's station, a pharmacy, a school bus, a gas station, docks, a road kill compost, and a cattle farm.

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AIDEN (14-15) and his brother, JO (12-13) collect bottles and cans, turning them in for a measly $6. Aiden tells Jo he wants to leave town. They find a watering hole and go swimming until mysterious men with bags over their heads arrive, taking Aiden and knocking Jo out.

Two years later, Jo shows DETECTIVE DAVIS (35) his collection of missing person reports. Davis looks into his information and decides to investigate further. That night, the corpse of a young boy is found. Jo rushes to the scene but it isn’t Aiden. While there, he sees Aiden’s kidnapper, Z (Adult), and stows away in his truck.

Once at their camp almost 70 miles away from home, Jo is quickly discovered. FORRESTER (Adult), the leader of the camp, comforts Jo, giving him a bed and telling him he can leave in the morning. A fight breaks out and Jo sees Aiden, now muscular and tattooed with a shaved head. Forrester makes a speech about this place, The Shelter, saying there are only two rules: fight for what you want and don’t disrupt the established order.

Jo quickly gives away that he and Aiden are brothers, and despite Aiden’s protests, Forrester says Jo either stays...
Reader 1 Comments
Overall (4)
"Dogfight" is a dark coming of age story that focuses on a teenage boy's, Jo, mission to extract his brother from a group of brainwashed- kidnapped youth who run a meth-lab commune. Set in the farm land of West Virginia, Jo's mission is structured well with defining act beats and a pace that moves quickly but leaves enough time to catch its breath. Jo and his brother are both trouble youth and their conflict whether to stay in the gangsters paradise is well depicted and balanced. The dialogue hits good beats of precocious adolescence as well as innocence which provides levity to the drama. The major drawback is that the action is not well described or clear rendering it confusing at times. In addition, scenes of drama are mitigated through weak immediate conflict or dialogue....
Reader 2 Comments
Jo finds his missing brother in a camp like no other – fighting, smoking weed, and video games are just some of the daily activities that make him want to stay. Shortly after discovering the boys are forced to cook crystal meth, however, Jo begins to realize he and his big brother Aiden aren’t in the safest of places. Jo’s indecisiveness about fleeing camp and saving Aiden debilitate the strength of the premise and the overall structure. This features engaging, compelling characters with conflict naturally infused into their always-competitive dynamic. Dialogue reads true to life, but a jumbled climax with unnecessary plot twists severely hamper an otherwise well-paced story. This is most similar to "Out of the Furnace."...
Reader 3 Comments
When his brother, Aiden, is kidnapped, young Jo desperately searches for him, leading to a youth camp called the Shelter that makes and sells meth. The premise is interesting and allows for many different choices and characters. The conflict is effective and builds expertly, raising the stakes continually. The characters are interesting though Aiden's loyalty flip-flopping is problematic. The dialogue is excellent, establishing character traits quickly. There are many spelling and grammar errors but the formatting is industry standard....